This blog entry is, not only for the bride & groom, but also for maid of honours, best men, groomsmen & bridesmaids. Many of those who are asked to be in a wedding party have no idea what is expected of them. Some may have never even been to a wedding before, let alone in a wedding party. It is an honour to be asked to be stand up at the altar with the bride & groom,but there is a bit of work included...
Prior to the wedding, it's at the discretion of the bride and groom as to how much they ask of their attendants. It's certainly a good idea to be mindful of your attendants' work and family commitments when requesting their help.
Many attendant responsibilities are based on tradition, but make individual requests based on what's most practical. If your maid of honor lives 300 miles away, for example, it may make more sense to ask a bridesmaid who lives nearby to join you as you shop for dresses or select flowers. Perhaps your maid of honor is a talented calligrapher who would rather address the wedding invitations -- a task she can certainly complete from her home.
Let common sense and consideration be your guide when asking for help. Your bridesmaid who's the mother of young children may welcome an excuse to get out and assist with some prewedding errands. Or she may be too overwhelmed to be of much help. You'll simply have to ask. Be sensitive to your bridal party's busy lives.
Most of the duties of attendants are performed the day of the wedding. As for the maid of honor and the best man, the primary responsibility of each is to be best friend and helper to the bride and groom on the day of the wedding -- from the moment the day starts to the time the newlyweds leave for their honeymoon. Their second responsibility is to make sure bridesmaids and ushers are where they should be.
Communicate regularly with your bridal party. It will help them all get to know each other -- if they don't already -- and will give them a sense of their responsibilities. Plus, it's a great way to stay organized. Email is a particularly useful tool for keeping far-flung attendants in the loop.
Traditional responsibilities of the maid of honour include:
- Helps the bride select bridesmaids' attire & wedding dress
- Helps address invitations and place cards
- Attends as many prenuptial events as possible
- May host a shower, but not mandatory
- Organizes bridesmaids' gift to the bride and usually gives an individual gift to the couple
- Pays for own wedding attire and transportation to wedding
- Attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Makes sure that all bridesmaids, flower girl, and ring bearer are at the rehearsal and the ceremony on time
- Walks in processional and recessional
- Holds the groom's wedding ring
- Helps with the bride's gown
- Arranges the bride's veil and train before the processional and recessional
- Makes sure the bride's gown is picture perfect throughout the day
- Holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony
- Witnesses the signing of the marriage certificate
- Stands in the receiving line
- Keeps the bride on schedule
- Helps the bride change into her going-away clothes
- Takes care of the bride's gown and accessories after the reception
The traditional duties of a bridesmaid include:
- Helps the bride and maid of honor
- Takes care of own dress and accessories fittings
- May help with a shower for the bride (optional)
- Assists the bride with errands
- Contributes to bridesmaids' gift to the bride and usually gives an individual gift to the couple
- Attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Arrives on time to get dressed for the wedding
- Walks in processional and recessional
- May participate in the receiving line
- Dances with ushers and other guests
- Helps gather guests for the first dance, cake cutting, and bouquet toss
- Helps look after the couple's elderly relatives or friends
- Pays for own dress and transportation to the wedding
The traditional duties of the best man include:
- Organizes any prewedding party for the groom
- Coordinates the ushers' gift to the groom and usually gives individual gift to the couple
- Attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Gets the groom dressed and to the ceremony on time
- Makes sure the groom has the marriage license with him at the ceremony
- Delivers any payment to officiant, sexton, and ceremony musicians, as prearranged
- Enters the sanctuary with the groom
- Holds the bride's wedding ring during the ceremony until the vows are spoken
- Makes sure all ushers are correctly dressed and in place on time
- Walks in recessional
- Witnesses the signing of the marriage certificate
- Welcomes guests at the reception
- Offers first toast to bride and groom at the reception
- Dances with the bride, maid of honor, mothers, and guests
- Helps the groom get ready for the honeymoon
- Gathers up and takes care of the groom's wedding clothes after he changes
- Has a car ready for the bride and groom to leave the reception, or perhaps drives them to their next destination
- Pays for own wedding attire and transportation to the wedding
The traditional duties of an groomsman/usher include:
- Participates in the party for the groom if there is one
- Contributes to the ushers' gift for the groom and usually gives an individual gift to the couple
- Attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Makes sure that the people who are designated to receive special flowers or corsages do, if the flowers have not been delivered to the recipients beforehand
- Greets guests as they arrive
- Asks guests whether they'd like to be seated on the bride's side or the groom's side
- Follows any lists of guests who are to be seated in a specific pew
- Hands each guest a program when they're seated
- Puts the aisle runner in place after guests are seated before the processional begins
- Knows the order for seating of the couple's family members
- Directs guests to the reception site
- Looks after elderly guests
- Dances with bridesmaids and other guests at the reception
- Pays for own wedding attire and transportation to the wedding
